there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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