Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
