he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Two words: nipple clamps
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