I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
