You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Terrible idea I love it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
