I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
