i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
