After last night, I could never be a politician.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
