Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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