sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
