I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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