I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
