First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i now understand why vodka
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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