You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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