My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
