u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
