I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
