she was so not down for the gang bang
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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