I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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