Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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