you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
