Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
