just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
