Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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