Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
