After last night, I could never be a politician.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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