You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
