Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
