Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
