i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
