I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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