the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize