I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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