I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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