She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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