I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize