i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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