I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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