You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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