Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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