my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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