my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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