hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think people are normalizing furries
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
