he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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