It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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