He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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