There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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