so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
