Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
