I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
