cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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