I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
