I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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