so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
