I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
