Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just found a bag of teeth...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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