i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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