And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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