I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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