My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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