I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
