saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
