Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
