If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
