my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
