she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
