i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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