Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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