dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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