He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
