a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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